That is what most everyone tells me, but I came here tonight  feeling I must write  a few lines on the subject you are doing so well . Dinner over Alistair has left and another night to pass away time one way or the other..I stand looking out the window and as you can imagine just think of days and times gone now, my life just seems so very strange.I can always find something to pass my day, today I cleaned the cooker and extractor hood  an hour has passed and so my day goes on cleaning a toilet, doing a washing so many things I took so for granted when Marion was busy keeping the house the way it always was, so clean and tidy..Now I try to do as she would have wanted me to do and copy her in the best way i can as she would do. I pass her picture and my wee lass's and have to stop and stare at them both, I need to keep them alive in my mind and then end up counting the days Mum has been gone , Soon it will be the date Mum went to hospital and we both thought she would be made better and life go on as always .It was never to be ,all the visits thinking a few more days and my best friend and treasured wife would be home , When as I thought she came  home she would open her little surprises I had sent of for her. When she was in hospital I told her I had a little surprise or two for her when she got home, she asked what it was and I said you will see when you get home. When she did get home I would make her stay in bed and devote my time to looking after her just for once as she always wanted to do for Alistair and me,. I go into that room and stare and everything there brings  a tear, the empty wardrobe her clothes all gone just magnify the hurt of trying to accept she has gone .So many dates are imprinted in my memory dates of heartaches, hopes of a miracle and my lovely girls getting better. Just writing how I feel hurts so very much ..So I stand at the upstairs window and just stare not knowing what I am looking for as all I see are times gone and a longing to have them back again ..This was my journal post for the Memorial site but I have posted it here  why < I do not know just maybe to show the( doing so well) comment I hear so often does not relate to how I truly feel inside ..I just miss my treasured girls more than anyone can ever know ..DAD.