Nearly Christmas soon it will be 2018 how quick time passes.. I have been without my lovely Marion for three years past in October. Looking back I wonder at the things I have learned to do, paying the bills, cleaning cooking all the things Marion once did and I never really knew how to do. But necessity forced me to learn fast. For some reason this year seems even more difficult to deal with than even last year, I just miss my lifelong friend so very very much. The games we used to play each night on the computer, Marion was so into coming upstairs giving me a silent look to say are we playing the game tonight and I would press a button as I had the game all ready loaded knowing she loved this part of the day. Now I still play the games and at the difficult parts she is with me seeing something I have missed . At this stage in my life I often wonder what my purpose is now , yes I keep so very busy building my boats playing the games but constantly I look over at Marions picture and think I wish I had gone before my lovely Marion.. Marion was so much stronger than me and would have coped better at the loss of me and Cheryl. You had to know my Marion to understand how special she was , a very quiet private person but their was another side to her , once she got to know someone they truly had a friend worthy of their trust..Her patience was endless her compassionate way she would listen to any story told her. Many people say after a loss we never argued and yes Here I am in all my years with her I can say hand on heart we had no more than five arguments over all the years together..Possibly my hurt for losing her was the utter closeness we both shared never apart and sharing in our love of travel and places new . I am spending this year alone something has changed in me and I feel I just cannot be in company talking of mundane things and knowing my lovely girls names will not even be mentioned. Last year at a friends house I went outside to have a cigarette and the night was bitterly cold the trees covered in frost ,looking up the sky was black the stars so bright so clear. Then I just cried wishing my life was as it once had been my family beside me sharing this time a time for family and loved ones to be together. Do not feel sad for me all my sadness is for my lovely wife and daughter not having the chance to share this happy time of year.  So I will try to have some happy times on my own cry if I need to and hope this year is a bit easier than my last few years without these two gentle caring girls beside me.  One of my neighbours is my best friend along with his lovely wife Ann and they desperately look out for my wellbeing but their kindness understands my wanting to be alone and said they are always there if and when I need them that is a true friendship   an understanding of knowing I just need some time on my own and they respect it without imposing any wants upon me ..