I have not written much here recently but those times of heartache and yearning still happen so many many times..Looking out of the window watching television ,or the most often happening sitting around dinner time and staring at the kitchen door and seeing so clearly our wee lassie coming through the door as she did a thousand times. Then Mum looks round the door and says dinner is ready, her sudden appearance at the door jolts me back to reality and the teary eyes are wiped dry its just another day Cheryl wont be at the door. Today at work I was inspecting a problem with a ceiling in one of the housing developments I carry out work for, the manager was with me and as we went to leave she stopped to see some pictures on the tenants wall they were of her grandchildren. I was standing behind the manager and tenant so could not leave very easily. The old lady started to talk so much of her grandchildren and her happiness was so easy to see and hear..When we left the manager asked if I had any grandchildren..it all got a bit blurred for me as I only just managed to say how Cheryl was gone so suddenly, there will never be any grandchildren for us and though I do not have any problem saying this, we would just give (EVERYTHING) to have our lovely Cheryl beside us like before,and to say how we lost our precious Cheryl is more than I can handle. ..Most times I cannot even say the terrible words "We lost our only daughter" Feeling so embarrased I stumbled over my words and tried to get away as the tears I know will show come back again..The poor manager lady was so embarrased and sorry when she saw my running eyes and I then had to try to tell her she was not to know..I do not think I will ever be able to tell our story without tears and that is why I mostly do not talk to much of family matters, even though I want to tell of how gentle and caring this young girl was..So often we hear the saying "men do not cry" but dont imagine for one moment that is true, the truth is I cry so often for my wee Rosie. This can make our situation so very difficult really as this may make people afraid to mention our precious daughter, so they may avoid any mention of her name and that truly does break my heart. We need to talk of her and how caring and lovely she was. So later as I was nearing home I noticed the time and unconciously said to myself "I will just be in time to pick Cheryl up from work!Even now I still keep the seat clear where she would sit, I look at it so often and can see her there beside me..I know how silly that may sound to you as you read this, as I reach the spot she would always be waiting for me I have to look the other way.. How I miss her wave to me as I approached her like she always did, and her saying "Hi Dad how was your day" writing these words just breaks my heart more than anyone could ever imagine.. She was just Daddy's little girl. Some day when my time comes God willing I still have my senses about me I will with my last breath see my lovely Cheryl waving and smiling as I approach her, what happy days those were. .